I’m pretty lucky. I have ideas. Plenty of ideas. But what I lack on most occasions is that will to leap into something full on. I think myself out of doing many, many things. For whatever reason. But after a bout with the most horrendous melancholy, where I found myself feeling so lacking control over my own life, where a sort of weird invisibility was starting to take over, I remembered that in my very mind is a vault of possible doings that could…when time permits…keep me busy expressing, harnessing and offering every bit of ME that gets lost in the day to day.
I have to be productive in a creative way--that is my very own anti-anxiety/anti-depressant cocktail that has been a sort of saving grace since I can remember. But for the past few weeks I have felt so useless on the creative front…uninspired.
Which is scary.
But then it happened. Melancholy. And when it did, like a jolt, I jumped to journaling.
I wrote out every thought that came. Every bit of pettiness that was going through me. Every fear. I got honest, real honest, with myself, with what I'm not doing that I should be doing.
There are no excuses when you are faced with your own truth.
Nothing sets a fire so fast like listening to your own Spirit’s voice. People can tell you what you need to do all day, but it takes you--that inner voice of pure guidance-- to sweetly tell you what‘s up.
Then you have to listen.
And listen I did.
My life, the one I fear losing control over, is facing many changes. And not a single one of those changes is bad. Like I said, I’m pretty lucky. But knowing what I need to do every day, even if it’s a three word line of text, even it’s an idea that is scribbled out to do at a later date, or a quick sketch that could turn into another involved piece…It will be something.
Although we can like 92% of what we know about one another we mustn't allow the small bits of personality traits drive us too crazy that it hinders our relationships.
Love through it. Especially in the heaviest moments of labeling and separating. The 8%. The small fragment of time when you have convinced yourself that they are your enemy not your friend (or even closer). Things change. Emotions Change. Really quickly. We just have to stop labeling, stop obsessing, stop trying to rationalize the why's of someone else. Because it's really unrelated TO US--though it might momentarily catch us off guard and steal our attention away from what's important: progress in the personal form. Because no one is perfect. Because everyone should be concerned with themselves--We can’t allow the thoughts to turn into stones that build walls. There are already too many walls all around us. And AS PEOPLE who wish to knock down ALL walls it will take a certain amount of strength, emotional strength, to Love through it.
Love through it--that isn't catering to someone else's ego or being fake. It’s not smiling through it as much as it is breathing through it. It's simply acknowledging our humanistic simplicities--our imperfections--even our darknesses--and still being ok, in mind. It’s having that creeping feeling of “What the fuck!!” come upon us yet not letting it take control of the next moment.
We will not be friends with everyone. No matter how hard you try you will not mix well with some. But being open to the possibilities of that changing is taking an empowered step out of your head and into the light.
So many awesome things grow just by being in the light~